Want to sleep better? Put your phone away; way away. Did you hear? Coachella was making people sick with $25 dollar slices of pizza, and driving a Toyota Supra does not give you permission to go 123 mph. A woman was accidentally paid $20,000 by mistake, and she tried to keep it. Wanna start your day off right? Take a walk first thing in the morning, plus a woman trashed a Subway restaurant because they didn’t put peppers on her sandwich. How did you accidentally discover your spouse was cheating on you? And guess where people at Coachella chose to do the nasty. A woman couldn’t get in touch with her grandmother so she called the police, and you’ll never guess what the grandmother was doing. How many times should you use your towel before grabbing a fresh one? And a giant chunk of ice came crashing through a family’s roof. What would you do? All will be revealed, so jump in!

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Today I give you the top 10 worst songs by actors, and winning a 167 million in the lottery won’t save you from being a pig. A guy was shot by his own dog, and the cops don’t seem to buy it, plus a guy stole a 30-ton excavator which took him straight to jail. If all humans disappeared from the earth, which animal species would rule, and rage booking is all the rage. She tried to pull one over on the government and it didn’t work, plus what’s something no one can change your opinion about. How do you feel when someone says you look great for your age, plus do you have tech neck? We’re hitting the hard stuff this week.

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A female sheriff deputy has resigned because she was selling foot fetish porn online, and what is something you tried once and will never do again? What is the perfect fast-food meal, plus, is being filthy rich morally wrong? Are you a conversation narcissist, and many cities that young people visit during spring break have had it up to here, and they’re saying, “don’t come here.” Are engagement rings worth it, plus how would you like to sleep in a bed while flying, because now you can. And like most of us, a 15-year-old kid stole a city bus and picked up his girlfriend from school. This and more are yours with the touch of a finger; or “fanger” as they say in the south; not judging!

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Syrup and the 10 freeway don’t go together; that has now been proven. Remember the Galaxy trifold phone? No one else does either, and here’s some good advice, do not offer a cash tip to a judge, especially when the money is counterfeit. Have you ever tried goat yoga? No, then how about snake yoga? And if you have a cat, make sure you know where your hair ties are at all times. If you enjoy listening to your devices without headphones on air flights, then you shouldn’t fly United, plus fast-food chains have been ranked, and I have the results. Do you take medication for irritable bowel syndrome? Then don’t let the cops see it, and a guy stole someone’s septic tank; which begs the question, why would anyone do that? It’s your lucky day, the federal government is about to release secret files about aliens, and what’s the dumbest way you have been injured. It’s hard to believe, but I have all these answers.

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A woman freaks out when she discovers how many women her boyfriend had slept with, and would you like to improve your sleep? Stop scrolling on social media hours before bed. A guy smashes into a parked cop car because he was watching Youtube on his phone, plus what are the greatest moments in your life? I’ll give you other people’s top 10. Would you buy a house that doesn’t come with a bedroom? As a population, we’ve apparently had it with tipping; I know I have. When you travel, which item do you think has the most germs, and a woman was found in a stranger’s home wearing no pants and eating fruity pebbles. Did you know annoying people in your life are aging you? I give you the top 5 happiest cities in the US, and least happy. People stealing from hotels is rampant, and a man went to the hospital because he woke up and discovered he was completely blue. There is a major breakthrough for people with OCD, and a major movie prop is up for auction. Alrighty then! What’s the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself? Plus, a man sued a Mexican restaurant because the salsa was too spicy. We’re waiting for you!

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Breakfast at Denny’s apparently comes with an unwanted side of sausage, and what wedding moment screamed the couple isn’t going to last? Plus, the cost of owning a car is exploding, and golf cart crashes are rampant in Florida. Did you know camels have beauty pageants? And camels cheating is rampant. If you want a clean airline seat, you’re going to have to pay for it. Hey guys, there’s a new thing called Baldmaxx, and some men are loving it, plus Cracker Barrel has seen better days and they clearly don’t know how to fix it. Ladies, what’s the one thing you wish guys would stop doing, plus, I give you the best and worst states for women. Britney Spears has seen better days, and her family is worried, plus have you heard of the friendship shelf theory? It’s stupid and so is this show.

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Would you drink water from your toilet bowl? Many people are lining up to do exactly that. I give you the most annoying traits of a backseat driver, and a naked man stole an ambulance and there was a patient on the gurney in the back, who wasn’t naked. Fan voting is under way for the rock and roll hall of fame and I give you the top 5 so far, and details on a delivery robot who goes rogue and tears up parts of a neighborhood. A guy won the lottery using the birthday numbers from members of his family, and those family members want him to share the money with them, and he said nope. What’s something you judged people for until it happened to you, and some women are cleaning their panties in the coffee makers in hotel rooms, and yes, you heard that right. What’s a decision you made in ten seconds that changed your life, plus a man burned his house down trying to kill spiders, which certainly did the job. And lastly, a woman has reappeared after going missing for 24 years, and she doesn’t want anything to do with her family. Ah yes, it’s great to be alive.

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A woman is in jail because she beaned her husband with a jar of pickles, along with a teacher who is in jail because she threw her shoe at a student, which I assume you’re not supposed to do. Behold, the laundry folding robot, not to be outdone by the family cat who added something special to the pot of dinner soup. Five reasons to never live with a guy, yet they say we should go to bed at the same time as our spouse. It appears Viagra does a lot more than just make your penis hard, and in an unrelated story, Vegas is dying, and trying desperately to stay alive. I give you a new way to dine out, and it’s illegal, plus a woman who was ghosted one too many times, and you might enjoy how she got her revenge. Bring on the flying car and the video gaming business is booming. Hey guys, how would you like to be a lot taller? It’s going to cost you, plus driverless trucks are here, whether you like it or not. What made you walk out on a date, and is Reese’s Cups going cheap with ingredients? Plus, your grip can tell you how long you will live. I give you all this information, and it’s free.

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The top 5 Valentines gifts that women didn’t want to receive, and scientists are warning not to have sex in space, so don’t. Have you ever texted someone while having sex? Well college students are, and do you and your spouse engage in temperature wars? I’ll explain that. What’s something everybody romanticizes, but in truth is terrible, and which country celebrates the fact that their women have the biggest breasts? A woman was trapped in a car wash for over an hour, and have you ever heard of the new sport called body slamming? You won’t believe it. They found a massive fatberg in Australia, so you’ll have to listen to find out what a fatberg is. I give you the top 5 greatest cover songs, and I give you a Japanese baseball star is about to sign with the Chicago White Sox, but he’s demanding a bidet in the locker room. Which cities in the US are labeled as inauthentic, and just note, if the toilet don’t flush, the plane don’t fly. Be warned, you may have trouble learning what a Wisconsin woman was arrested for. She even had her pants down, and it still wasn’t hot, like at all.

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A Massachusetts man got rid of the snow on his roof with a blowtorch; things didn’t go well. Keeping financial secrets inside a marriage is as bad as physical cheating, and if you live in France, you no longer have to have sex with your spouse, and that’s a law. A dude wanted to lose 200 pounds, so he locked himself inside his bedroom for a year, and we’ve just discovered, it’s a bad idea to crack your neck with your hand, and I mean really bad. The top 10 greatest guitarists of all time have been named, and some of you won’t like it. I’ll show you how much we love our dogs, and you can now declutter your home using the 20 20 rule. The crazy shit rich people do to entertain themselves, and a man is in jail because he threw a ketchup packet at a guy. An airline passenger stripped down to his underwear mid-flight and demanded they let him off the plane. Apparently, Long distance relationships are all the rage, and bingo is back in a big way, plus it’s another Saturday night, so guess what they found inside a guy’s butt. It’s a blast!

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